IF DR. SUESS WAS A WOMAN,
HE'D WRITE:

I'm glad I'm a woman - Yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live on Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam.
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections;
I won't drive to Hell before asking directions

I act nice at parties; don't act like a clown;
And I know how to put the darn toilet seat down.

I won't grab your boobies; I won't pinch your butt.
My belt is not hidden beneath my beer gut.
I don't go around re-adjusting my crotch;
Or make sure my headboard bears each hard-earned notch.
I don't belch in public; don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman, you see - I'm just not that kind!

I'm glad I'm a woman; So glad I could sing
And thrilled I'm not covered with shag carpeting.
Hair won't grow from my ears, or cover my back.
And when I bend over, you can't see my crack.

I'm a woman, alas - and I'm proud, don't you see?
And I can take care of "poor little me".

I don't live for golf, or shoot basketball.
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.
I don't need male bonding; don't cruise of a chick -
I'll never join the "Hair Club", or think I'm "so slick"!

I'm a woman, by chance, and thankful I am!
I'm so glad I'm a woman, not a man, yes I am!